Archived Weblog Entry - 04/22/2004: "This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you"

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04/22/2004 Archived Entry: "This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you"

Okay well, this week wasn't so great. I'm so mad, upset, and pissed off... but I can't stay mad for long. Some good things came out of this week :) But i'll keep that to myself and write it in my other journal. So the bad things that happened. Lets see.

First, I got caught for Dress Code... yet again.. for having my straps a half and inch to "thin". I ended up not wearing a PE shirt though :) Thank God! Jeric was the student aide and he was supposed to escort me to my locker cuz I said I had a jacket (which I didn't..) so I was brought to Gauthier's room for 2nd period (block) and finished my labs and listened to those damn idiotic freshman. They are so uptight.. maybe it's a a-tech freshman thing.. and they loosen up as years go by, I hope so... I wasn't like that, I know it, man I hated school and slacked off. Ugh, but ciMORON was a fucked up school anyway. OH since it has been my THIRD violation for dress code.. I have uhhh.."In School Suspension" whooo! :( I don't really care, but it honestly isn't a good time to miss more classes esp. in PreCalc.

Anyway, that same day... everything started to piss me off when i got home. My dad pissed me off because he was being selfish with GAS. I started yelling at him because no matter what you CAN'T FUCKING SAVE GAS! And he didn't want anyone to drive my SISTER'S car because HE put gas in THAT car. What an idiot (even though I pay for gas sometimes and I don't even fucking drive) And then my mom started to bitch about that too the next day. We drive to UNLV every fucking day. YOU CAN'T expect to save FUCKING GAS when you drive across town.. with an SUV no less. Jesus people. TO add along to that stupid conversation... I went to my room to ask my sister a question. WHAT HAPPENED? My dog decided to turn on me and bit my soooo FUCKING HARD on my stomach. I got soooo PISSED OFF. I kept throwing things at him. I mean, I reallllly did. And he hid behind the toilet. And he get growling at me. (what an idiot..) After I threw the third shoe at him.. he went in my room and under my bed? I won... because he never came out. =D Che. good for him. and when he eventually did go out... I threw more stuff at him. God, he's such a spoiled dog. I didn't give him food that night. Che. He doesn't deserve it. He's fat anyway. >_<

Anyway, the other things that weren't so great involved friends. I can't stay mad long though, but it's obvious I get pissed off easily. However, people don't seem to take that into consideration and just love to make me mad all the time. I hate when I get mad and pissed off. Today I was really pissed off. I'm so ashamed in myself because I said I was independent and not needy, right? Yet, I depended on "friends" for help. I can't let myself succumb to do that anymore, because I'll just end up being pissed off. I'm just so sick of doing favors for people and not getting anything back. I'm thinking of TWO people right now... there's probably more, but two specifically, and I won't bother mentioning who. I'm just so sick of everything. I always think about skipping school just to not feel this way anymore. BUT i'm unfortunetly going to school for one reason only - PreCalc. I'm struggling in that class. Yet, when I ask for help or questions to my so-called friends... nothing happens. I'm so mad. No one takes me seriously. Everyone knows I get pissed off easily.. so why do people do it? WHY? Friends are on the top of my list... no one realizes how much I would do for them... yet, I always feel this way all the time... and it makes me wonder if they are really my friends or not. I slept right when i got home from school.. I'm glad my mother was there EARLY for once... because I couldn't stand RESPECT anymore. I just had to leave. I was really pissed off. My mom was talking to me and I kept snaping at her. I slept so that I can calm down and forget about it all, it kind of worked.. but I'm obviously still mad.

Anyway, onto more lighter things, since I finally let that out. I might go to the Josh Groban Concert =D yay. He has such an amazing voice. It makes my heart melt. =D Sometimes I wish that a guy would sing for me like that. <3 Actually, not sometimes, I WISH! Oh well, someday I guess. hehehe

Well, the things that make me happy are talking to people I haven't really talked to and getting to know them =D that makes me happy. It really does. I love meeting new people. I love talking to people. Especially when I can actually get along with them and have a long conversation. So those were basically the happy things that came out of this week. I would mention who those wonderful people are... but I shall keep that to myself. <3333

Anyway, I think that's all for now. I will "try" to study for precalc now. Since I am now lost due to that fucking useless tech field trip (fucking gauthier!!!). Oh well, i'll feel more accomplished if I figure out how to do it by myself anyway. that is IF i figure it out.

Ihateyoupeople!

Later days.

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hola mi amor!

im so sorry you're feeling so unhappy rite now. :( if there's anything i can do to help, just let me know. i suck at math and im not in pre-calc....but i can alwayz listen to you talk about it!! hehe

yeah so i was in the office when the dean was talking to you about dress code. that man is such a flipping idiot , i swear. dress code is stupid anywayz. as long as you dont show up naked, who really cares?!?! sheesh.

Uhmuhmuhm...there was something else...oh ya! So next weekend we need to go to that coffee shop again. and go to the movies. woooo! cuz yes i miss you. lol :-)

Mmmk i think that's it!!!

LoVeYoUbEb! ~ Jaimie

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