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05/01/2004 Archived Entry: "Now you've given me a will to survive"

Ummm... SO! Should I really talk about my week? HA HA HA HA! Lets just say.... WORST WEEK EVER! I've also decided on a lot of things. I'm NOT going to take calculus next year. I'm just going to take classes that I know I'll atleast do well in..without make my life stressful because I'm getting really bad grades. I know I won't do well in calculus. I would if I studied like crazy. Which I know I won't do. I thought I would do well this year, but that obviously didn't happen. I have to stop procrastinating. I have to start paying attention because I do want to go to AFA. I've planned on going there for a year now. I promised myself last summer that I would not procrastinate and that I would do BETTER in school. I didn't fufill that. I feel like a failure. My chances in getting into that school very unlikely now. I can't believe myself sometimes. I'm not myself anymore. I'm not doing homework. I'm not doing well on my tests. What am I doing to myself? Everyone says they procrastinate and slack off. Those are the kids who get like A's and B's. Well, my friends, if you get those, you don't procrastinate as much as I do.. In fact, you don't procrastinate at all. I'm ashamed of my transcript. You just don't know. No one knows how bad it really is. I don't even think my parents know how bad it really is. Maybe that's why they don't really disipline me as much as other parents do with their children. In fact, I don't think I showed them my report card since I started high school. I don't lie to them. I tell them what I get in person.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty bad. I was going to call in at work. But I didn't! I'm glad I didn't either because I actually enjoyed work. I'm really beginning to realize the benefits I get even with the low pay. The people who work there are really cool and the managers are really nice too. I get free movies, posters, drinks, and discounts at the food court. Not bad, I tell you! So work was pretty good. :)

I really appreciate those who asked me how I was on friday. I was really upset. More upset than I remember being. I think that was the point where I really wanted someone to be there with me... wiping my tears. (That obviously didn't happen.) Lol. Oh well. I'm fine. And those of you who I did tell (those very special people =P) thanks a bunch for listening. I felt I kind of explained it to them bad though, like I was a wimp. I doubt it though. They know how that I don't cry at things that aren't worth crying about. They know I'm more of a fighter. And I could stick up for myself. One of the three i told saw me crying and he got it right on the dot to why I was crying. He could've said a bunch of things. Somehow I feel that he doesn't know he says the right things? Actually, I think it's quite funny, attractive, and somewhat confusing. Seriously. I'm not even that close to him. But everytime I'm really pissed about something or in this case upset. He says something that i'll just make me feel better. And he says it very simple. The other two... were nice understanding too. So i'm glad about that. =D =D =D

I also have one question to guys. When you asked a girl if she has a boyfriend and she says "no". Why do you ask "WHY?".

okay... that is all.

Later days.