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08/04/2003 Archived Entry: "Pissed off"

Why oh why am I just so irritated lately? I know I shouldn't make a big deal about it yet, here I am talking about it. It doesn't matter anyway. I've just been really pissed off lately that I feel really frustrated. I've said it before that I feel just stuck. I need to do something. I want to do something but I have way too many constraints right now that I feel sick about everything. Life was so much easier when I still lived in Wisconsin. It's ironic though that when I lived there I wished I were somewhere else and now that I am someplace else, I wished I was back there. I really wonder what my life would be like if I still lived there. Would I be doing the same thing? Will my beliefs and habits be different? I know, I changed a little but still kept my "midwestern" ways... as my friend likes to call it.

I don't know. Sometimes I just feel lost. I know everyone feels like that sometimes. I feel very homesick a lot. I'm the kind of person that needs people around and lately I haven't been around anyone and I feel that something is missing. But then when people are around I act cold and indifferent and I wished I was alone and that they move far away from me. I don't know what that means or why I do it. I want so many things but lately nothing's been going my direction. Maybe this is the chaper in my book where boring parts are everywhere, you know? I wonder if someone will ever turn the page so I'll know if the next chapter will finally get to the good part.