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11/08/2003 Archived Entry: "Time flies when you're not paying attention"

I sometimes wish that time can slow down for a change. It seems to go by so fast. I can't believe it's already November and soon it will be December. It seemed that it was January like yesterday. The first two months of 2003 I was on vacation in the Philippines and then I was busy worrying about graduation and work was a pain. And now... the year is over already. I'm really going to miss it. I don't know why I'm thinking this right now. I just spent about 3 hours looking for internet providers. Damn it. Net Zero doesn't work for me. I canceled AOL and Earthlink acted strange and now I'm on Juno. Whatever. Whatever works. I just don't want to go back to MSN again. Isn't it weird how I talk about one thing and then I end up talking about another thing?

There's something wrong with me honestly. Like I said, I'm so glad everything is over but still I don't want anything to end. I want to go but I want to stay. I am so damn undecided sometimes that it just bothers me. Sometimes I am just so exhausted at everything. I find myself tired. Not just physically but mentally too. I find myself not even trying anymore. I know I totally failed my anthropology test and it's like what's the point? Everytime he lectures I start to wander off because he just doesn't make it interesting. I don't know. I wish I can get on with my life. I'm frustrated and I feel like I'm going nowhere. I guess I'm insecure about all of it. I don't know. I really don't know.

Anway, I got glasses so I can finally be free of contacts for awhile. I need to go shopping. I haven't bought clothes in so long. I haven't even watched a movie in so long because I just don't have time to. So many group projects and so many exams. Blah. I just want... actually, I don't really know what I want. I want to just go away. I've been saying that a lot. I hope it will be soon. I really want it so much it hurts. Maybe then I can find something that will trully make me happy. That would be really wonderful. Right now, I feel empty. Maybe that's true for many people who really aren't fulfilled yet because they aren't doing what they want to do. Or maybe it's just weird old me. I don't know anymore.

Battle Royale is really cool. It's about 600+ pages long and it's the first book that took me the shortest amount of time to read because it's so fast paced I just couldn't stop reading it. It's violent but it really makes you keep reading. Even Stephen King books doesn't go too much into detail about blood and guts but this book does and I guess it's somewhat real in terms of situations and the individual stories of the students (read it if you're into blood and gore and some great action). Gosh, I've been really into books. I'm a nerd I know and then there are CDs that I listen to often. Other than that, I am so out of touch. I don't even know the latest music scene anymore. Not that I care or anything, for the music now sucks. And like the fashion too. I am so ignorant. When did I stop caring about it? Maybe when I got got home from my semester in AZ. I just didn't care anymore. Did I just become an old lady now or something? I don't even go to concerts anymore really. 2 years ago I was always going to shows. Blah. Is this what you call growing up? Or growing older? I don't know.

Although it's a great book it still doesn't compare to Wuthering Heights and Snow Falling on Cedars. Ahhhh *hand on heart. Such nice stories.

On that note, why do I ramble so damn much?