The Dilemma of a WPR owner

Once upon a time... I was having fun... Once upon a time I loved reviewing sites...Once upon a time... way back in the beginning I really loved Yumemiru with all my heart. Back then, it was just Asuka and me. We weren't very popular. After all, the W4 were still quite active and so were the AQ. No one knew us yet. We were just the weird site that changed their layout every month and had reviews that were quite funny and long... Now... I feel that this whole WPR thing is a chore. I still don't feel that Yumemiru is popular or famous as some people say it is. I think it is just ordinary. It's just there and I want it to be just ordinary. I am still surprised that people think it's great. I am a lot more used to people saying that we suck and that we are bitches although when I look at the reviews we have done I really don't see it. Harsh sometimes but not bashing.

However, over these past few months... I am beginning to HATE this WPR thing. I don't know what is happening anymore. This was supposed to be fun. Reviewing is supposed to be something I enjoy and now I feel like it's just another job for me to do. Back then, all the reviewers here gave me their reviews on time. Now, I actually have to e-mail some of them to give me their reviews because it's been 3 weeks or even a month has passed that I have not recieved a review from them. And I get so frustrated. They give me excuses, that they have school and family problems and personal problems and I totally understand because I have them too. And so I let them have more time with the review but sometimes it's just too much. I have problems also. A LOT of problems but I still take time. I feel guilty that I may be pushing them too much. That I might come off as some dictating bitch that tell them what to do... So I become lenient. And now, it's beginning to be too much. I can't handle this on my own. That is the reason why I wanted to close Yumemiru badly a month or two ago. Honestly I was. But everyone wanted me to keep it open. My reviewers wanted me to keep it open. So I kept it open. I never really knew that a lot of people supported this place. It was really very nice. It made me smile.

But my reviewers don't understand. And the people who said to keep it open and aren't WPR owners don't understand either. My reviewers and others out there don't see the harsh e-mails that we get. They don't recieve the excuses about why some can't review this or that because they have problems. They don't get the e-mails of the site owners that keep asking me where their reviews are because they sent it in a month ago and where is it now? When no one is reviewing it all comes down to me. And it sucks. Sometimes I just want to just leave this thing forever...

But yet, there's that other part of me that don't want it to end. If I close this place, I'll be closing something that I put my whole heart to. I look at the reviews... the funny ones, the good ones, the weird ones... the articles, some guestbook entries... and I just can't close it because if I did, I'll feel like I'm missing something. But how can I keep it open when it's not fun anymore and there is no motivation? You have to be motivated to do something or else what is the point? I used to think that I can handle everything. I can handle all these people that hate us and I can handle these flames but once it becomes too much, you start to believe it. I try harder to help people out, give them more advice but it's very rare that we see that appreciation.

I am not saying that my reviewers are bad. I really do love them to death but I just can't do this thing all alone. We are a team and if part of this team isn't doing anything then it's really not a team anymore is it? This is what I feel everyday. I don't know how it became this way. A year ago, I would never imagine that I would write something like this. A year ago, I was having fun with this whole WPR thing. But now... I don't even know what to think anymore. When I think about all the problems this WPR has been getting lately, I get frustrated. Where is the fun now when all I do is get frustrated? I tell myself that somehow everything will be OK. That everything will work out. I am a very optimistic person. I still do have fun here at Yume but it's not the same anymore. This whole WPR thing is changing. When Yume appeared, only like what, 10 WPRs existed? Now there's like 50.. and when I look at some of them it makes me shake my head with shame. I feel like I don't want to be part of this anymore. Many of them have this thinking that the more bitchy and/or the nicer they are the more visitors they'll get but that is NOT the purpose of a WPR. It's purpose is the help others out or give out opinions of a site and that way of thinking is gone in most WPRs now. That is another reason why I wanted to shut down too. There are so many WPRs, why bothering running this site? No one will miss this place. Why bother? That is my way of thinking. I have more fun writing the featured layout sections than doing a review because I know in the end, these owners that we review won't really care anyway. They'll just give us hatemail...

But I am optimistic. I want to keep going. I want to have fun again. And I really love helping people and I'm pretty sure all my other reviewers feel the same way... I want to continue no matter what. Yumemiru always has this humorous, light hearted way of reviewing that I want to continue but to do this and continue this, there needs to be motivation and cooperation and that fun spirit this place had in the beginning and I feel that certain feeling is missing once that someone doesn't do this or that. Once that final flame begins to get to you. Once everything becomes frustrating to the point that reviewing is that lousy McDonald's job rather than that nice massage at the spa.

So what do you do as a WPR owner? You have to ask yourself that everyday. Do you want to continue? Do you want to keep going with something that frustrates you? Do you want to keep going even though a part of your team aren't doing their jobs? Do you want to give in to the ones that say "You have to keep it open. Don't close"? But they don't understand how it is. But then you look at your site and you see that history, the fun things, all that hard work... all that will be gone... What do you do? It really is a dilemma that some WPR owners face. And it's hard to make a descision. You want to keep going but sometimes you just want to end it all.

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